"I don't recall too much," said Jack,
As he staggered back into the bar.
"I was on the seventh tee with my wife,
All had been fine so far."

"I took out my trusty old 3 iron,
And lined up my shot with one goal.
Then I drove it right down the middle
Just a metre or so from the hole."

"Then it was Jill's turn to tee off.
She stepped up to the front of the tee,
And set her jaw quite firmly.
I could see she wanted to beat me."

"Well, she looked at that ball so fiercely,
Her face was all screwed up and tense.
And she hooked it right over the boundary
And over the cow paddock fence."

"We searched for her ball for ten minutes
Looking all over the ground.
We looked under branches and cowpats,
But the dammed thing was not to be found."

"Then I saw that a large cow was limping.
It was walking quite funny, and fast.
And I noticed as it stopped right beside me,
That the ball was stuck fast in it's arse."

"I called to my wife with great pleasure,
As I lifted the cows tail to see."
"I said 'I think this looks like yours, dear.'
And that's when she bashed hell out of me."